wat is love?

ok.... i been lazy to update blog....
haha....but sometime i dun realli wan to share my thoughts wit
not realli close people.... ya lo....but anyway....
the day before cg....
hmmm i love u so i will not want to do the thing tat u dun like....
and after tat i remember the thing then i told her...hmm.. ya is my fault and i dun wan to give any excuss....
hmmm.... u feel tat being slap in the face even you dunno... hmmm... i didnt do tat thing when i m wit you ? is before....
but.... nvm...
i feel tat i m a jerk... not an ideal bf....
now my thinking is tat i need to be more "perfect" so tat i will not dissapoint u.. in the way....
sorry tat i m not transparent. sorry tat i m not mr perfect. sorry tat i make u cry so much. sorry for being forgetful.sorry tat i keep thinking of the past,but now i m not trying to think anything,i dun wan to spoil our relationship. sorry for bringing so much hurt into your life. sorry tat i bring you tears. i nvr wanted you to be sad.... but this is due to my bads points and my wishs will nvr come through... tat i always wish u will be happi every single day...
as i begin to walk alone to the place.. i m thinking why is it like this...
why because of one wrong thing human do the gd mermories disappear...
and maybe i not gd enough to make u happi....
as i begin to go the cg place...hmmm.. i put a smile... but the smile didnt last veri long.... during worship.... i break down... i ask for forgivness.....
wat GOD says is i will be like peter and not as weak as samuel.....
i understand wat HE says....ok... is good... i m a little better...hmmm... i noe at tat time she is realli upset.... but yet she still ask keefe to tell mi to take care.... at tat time... i m happi as she do care....
ok.... but i told her tat i m not the guy u think i m....

for today.... her first msg to mi
DARRION.... ........ ...
and ok... realli stranger.. and dissappointed... walking in the rain... while on my way home....and went home... and her... nick is " i belong to myself" actually she write " i belong to him" last time....
and is like ok...... i realli arhhhhhh!!!
and it hurtS!!! due to my mistake her love is so much lesser....
ok... nvm... is human reaction... so...
nvm... but when she hurt mi...i always noe i love her even more...because my tears are more than ever....hmmm... after tat she say she forgive mi... hmm.. i m like ok ok.... because my mindset is change.... in my mind is to be mr perfect and cant afford to make any mistake.....
in the future..... during msg... felt weird...like nth to say.... i dun wish to say anything wrong... 'ok ' alot.... welll both is like injured puppy...dun even wish anyone to touch... or will be afraid if anyone come near....
after tat went to service....hmmm... during service is great i noe i m so fill with love.. i feel much much better.....
haha... i will learn to DO A ACT OF RANDOM KINDNESS A DAY... haha...
hmmm...after tat went to eat...haha... i m starving badly....
hmm... after tat i saw her.... felt weird...then i tell her tat i need her... then say until i wan to remember like tat... i say i just feel weird... and just wan love secure and comfort....
hmm... tat all ba....i onli noe tat i still **** u