Grasping for air,lung being squeeze under tremendous pressure.
The room is so bloody and messy,solem atmosphere where there is sorrow and pain fill the thick air.
A still small voice spoke and brought clarity to the vague future that i am uncertain ahead.
Situation after situation crops up that cause my sorrow to invigorate.Believing is all i can do,groping for a answer to latch on so i am able to overturn the table.
Mere words can never descible the unbearable pain, tears may be able to descible when it trickle down my cheeks.
The promises and hope for a perpetual marriage are being dashed by the instant breaking up.
I promise to be your best friend if you would still want to open your life to me where i state that i will not abandon you alone even you would to leave me.
Still wearing the ring that do not belong to me.


Another situation crops up is family problem.This stituation is very crucial and it may pan out really bad.
So is really a hard time for me where everything crumble down on me at once.
i love her and my family.


guys keep me in prayer and i would want wisdom and anoiting to pull it through

130307 to 300309

love story have ended

thursday is the most exhilarating feeling i ever had these few days:)
Sorrow intertwined with hatred injected into my heart.I am enlighten with the presence of yours,as i just long to see you.
Although the time we spent is short, i enjoyed it to the maximum when i am able to see you.
Although you say that you are not affected even without me, it does hurt but it doesnt matter anymore.
I want to subtly draw your love to me :)
i believe your love for me have swayed aside,where studies and friends have avert your attention from me.
I felt i have fallen so deep for you where i need you to fill my addiction for me.
I am so enthusiastic for you, my girl !
I miss you deeply :) so so so so so elated to see you.
hope you feel the same !
It been awhile since i felt this way :0













thank you !for those who had genuinely cared for me:)
I believe i have trouble a certain friend of mine during these few days.
hope that we can be greater friend in time to come.
Let me know when you fall because i will lift you up when you fall!!!
MMM!

sometime i and jab enjoy doing stupid stuff-.-

my existance is insiginificant to you :(
confusion of being insane or being grief!
It is just wonderful how a year relationship can inflict damage compare to a 2 years relationship?
How affected you are when i first found you and affiliated you.
well everything may surface out as emotional but that what i am contemplating right now?
maybe it is just me? the willful party?
love is a choice and intensive passion?
did you lose the passion you had for me once? or you never had from the start?
my brain is toasted by the question that is confronting me.


A giver is wanting to give happiness and benefit to someone in the expenses of him/herself
even though he/she is unhappy!
A taker is wanting to have happiness and benefit for him/herself at the expenses of other even though other is unhappy


well after i got these from pastor. I evaluated myself and i gave in by texting her first saying i am willing to make changes because i loved her deeply.
The response is mean and it reveal lots of nasty things which i can never imagine about!


many have told me to smile but is easy to smile:) but in the inner part of me is totally on the contrary :(

Mar told me i have to work it out by talking. Guess that i have to do it.
It will be tough because whatever i said will always be stress :(
I will do my best to phrase it the best way!

i felt very grief every night,it seems that i am shedding my tears every night. I MISS YOU but i do not think that you do feel the same way towards me.
My heart felt so sour as i am unable to distinguish what is the truth or lie.
i have abased myself to you and i get no care :(
2 years relationship?
Do it mean anything?
Is your heart with me still?
I am hurt? Do you care?
I cared for you?
I loved you ?
I felt lost and empty?

ok... yesterday went out with cgm and gg...alan abandon us -.-
went to play len game
left 4 dead :) is a pretty cool and hilarious game among us when we played we dennis -.-
he killed jab his own team mate
how saddistic is he -.- andy's team have great teamwork among them
so it came in handy for them and extremly level for us to win them in the game and it came to conclusion they feel that is boring to play with us where we are so disunited in the game.
i love that game although is quite violent
after the game we went to play pool! basically is so embarassing where i am subdue by siona at her skill. Basically i am dumbfounded after she have defeated me in that game with the help pf hong yi (great player) i suppose the best for the day .
i really buckle under siona
i shall have my little revenge, it will be at the back of my heart.
We basically took so many pictures during our outing.
Well i am unable to upload the wonderous photo as i am at dennis house blogging :)
The photos are in my desktop. I saw a actor at the kopitiam at plaza singapural
He is undeniably dashing,i am totally jealous of is prominent good looks
is really notable among the people
ok lets get back to the events i am not trying to veer from the main thing ok!
we went to eat bean curd and fried bread, i do not how to phrase it -.-
we went to meet yea kai!!We chit chat for a while and linger awhile.
I wanted to catch the movie with them intially but i have to go to work tomorrow and was a little tight at my finance which i have to pass it :(
I WANT TO WATCH BLOODY VALENTINE
who will be willing to watch with me -.-
lol actually got alot la but i want someone special to watch with me :) i suppose it will not come to past as it is extremly gore i believe.
i headed home with denise and have a nice conversation with him, it been awhile since we speak as we are busy with our own life.I believe is a enjoyable time for me and him where we commune with one another :)He stay over at my house, one good news is he is in love with a special girl:) GOD bless that relationship and make dennis even a better man through this relationship.

This morning when dawn breaks we headed to jab's void deck and waited for him and we headed to work near yio chu kang i suppose.i believe all of us were frazzled in the morning.
WHAT YOU SOW IS WHAT YOU REAP
and guess what after i declare that keefe is a dustbin man doing rubbish job ( throwing rubbish)
in his blog, i am doing that role today. How misfortunate can i be?
The ablazing sun is literally scorching at our sheltered butts by our loving parents that sloted their guts for us.
I done the most dumping of rubbish,it stench is so rubbish.It is so hot that i took off my shirt and do the job.
well after the whole dumping of rubbish,i reeks of rubbish smell and sweats all over.
It is so sticky,stinky,tiring and dirty !!!then after that we went to be become movers,move boxes from places to places,totally draining of energy.
and we played basketball by throwing too,is full of excitment and fun in the midst of working :)
well setting aside the naggy superviser,it would be perfect !
we went to cut stuff too. here came the main point of me blogging today
we started throwing things and then the violent act between me and jab have started.He is holding a sharp pen knife pointing towards me and i went over using my boisterous hand and on the other hand he is swiping the pen knife towards me.
I have a grip of his hand and it just slipped and he cut my hand :( ouch! it is really a deep cut
where i am bleeding profusely,i asked for plasta from the staff there where a guy help me to clean my wound.I was standing and my head started to spin,feeling weak where my knees are going to falter soon.My eyes beginning to shut and from the information i heard,my face turn as pale as white sheet.At that moment i said to myself "i do not want to die yet,i still have so much to do,the work of GOD and getting married with HO Bt"
althought i knew that i will not enter the kingdom of GOD so early.
I literally go unconscious for a few seconds -.-
thank GOD i am alive -.-
my hand were being bandaged by the staff and jab dad speak in tongues softly and i heard it vaguely and my strength is regained and i could see clearly and the face of my colour regain its original colour.
it is so dangerous -.-
then others is nothing much :)


byes:) pictures will be updated soon

selfishness? maybe ? i am?

went out with ee kiat, mar, siona and hong yi

we watched kung fu chef -.0 and is like super lame pls

i was ridiculing the show and the actors through out the show -.-

well mar laugh because partly i am talking about the show -.-

jab meet us after the movie

and we went to eat kfc -.-

i am super terrify of fast food -.-

i do not want my life to be shorten and shorten as the days go by.

totally famish :( and soothed my grumbling stomach by the hot food :)

ok then we shop around at the it fair and i got a few things :)

haha and coincidently i saw cheryl( my primary classmate) and her sister

haha

at the IT fair we are always seperated -.- have to make tons of phone calls

lingered around the place then we head off to starbucks

and chatted,slack and took some photos with the people :0

is like so good :) enjoyable time with them :) notable memories

then headed home with jab and ee kiat

and was like so hilarious when

ee kiat wanted to take a number of a girl where he found her prominently cute

then i am like-.-

you serious-.-

in the end the girl 's boyfriend board the train after several stops.

i heave a sigh, thank GOD he did not ask for her contact-.- or else we will be having good game.

i and jab was on our way home and he ask about bt

and then he said you are like a dog rather than a boyfriend.

when needed then being called to. He said two years! she go out with her friend.

I am like -.- i did ask her to come with me if she wants 0,0 oh well

i percieve that he is sowing seeds of discord -.-

but it sounds really real :(

reach home and i start breaking down!
i totally hate you and love you at the same time

:(
insanity is so overwhelming
cause by devoid of love
the way to keep me alive

my skills -.-

become got style.. still cool

this is certainly cool... eugene photographic skills :) cool

nerd andy

nerd dardar

nerd man man

nerd van

was trying out

recently i have to handle alot of cash -.- payment for fees and laptop.how i wish i earn this amount every day. 1 k a day for a start -.-

ok

the outing was great :) i believe i have a great time with them

and i found out that i must learn to have patience like andy

was really marvel by his patience towards everyone :) and this is the spiritual fruit i lack of :) so i learn :)

ok was fun and fun where

i played game at the len ( left 4 dead)

haha

anyway is our 2 years

and well-.-

it drifted-.-

anyway happy 2 years

was really excited actually

haha oh well-..-

i got a surprise haha :O

my cousin is so so cute she is my playmate for today -.-my aunt really have a hilarious expression on her face when i ask her to take photo with methis is the game we two play for the day.
my childhood lover-.- how hilarious when i come to think of ithelping to slice the cake.ex ok. my mum buy for my little cousinmy auntmy cousin, grandmother and cousin and aunt

so tormented by recently nightmares,felt a deep pain in my heart.
when i woke up,found myself groaning in pain,uttering words that is so emotional. It is so unbearable and tremendous torment i am facing. i dread that it may happen in real life.